Steiner-Burkhardt Wedding Ceremony

OK, so it took a year and a half to post the actual wording of the wedding of my two wonderful friends Heidi Steiner and Andy Burkhardt, but historians tend to operate in centuries - so actually I'm moving pretty quickly.  As I've said before, it was one of the great privileges of my life to officiate at their wedding.  Heidi prepared the bracketing sections (clearly the best part) and I wrote the clumsily philosophical piece in the middle.

As the Canadian philosopher opined, "We are only what we feel," and we should all be so lucky to feel what they felt that day - and what they still feel for each other today.

Steiner/Burkhardt Wedding

Good afternoon!

We have come here today to celebrate the marriage of Heidi and Andy. They are delighted that you have come to share in their joy on this special day, so thank you for joining us. By your presence, you celebrate with them the love they have discovered in each other. And you support their decision to commit themselves to a lifelong relationship.

Who supports this woman in marriage to this man?

Father/Family: I/We do.

Please be seated.

Heidi and Andy, this afternoon you are surrounded by your family and friends, all of whom have gathered to witness and share in the joy of this occasion. In marriage, we give ourselves freely and generously into the hands of the one we love, and in doing so, each of us receives the love and trust of the other as our most precious gift.

New experiences lie before you with opportunities to grow deeper in love with each other. As you walk hand in hand into the future, cherish each moment as a gift – a gift, given to strengthen the bond between you.

SCUDDER’S SERMON

We have come together to celebrate the wedding of Heidi and Andy, but, come on, we all know this is Heidi’s day.  Andy’s job is to sit there and be goofy and make Heidi look even more breath-taking.  Our job is to make this day as wonderful – and stress free – for Heidi as possible.  There are people who may have been using social media to convince Heidi that they forgot the actual day of the wedding, but I don’t think that can be proven in court. 

So, Heidi is the boss today.  And I always obey authority.  When she sent along favorite ceremony she included a blank section that simply said Scudder’s Sermon.  I protested that I had nothing to say, but she told me that since I was getting paid the big bucks I had to earn it.  She assigned me two chores.

First off, she wanted me to say something about the two of them, which I am more than happy to do since I love them both.  I asked her if she minded if I took a more philosophical approach, and she said knock yourself out.  Normally at this point my default answer is to quote Marcus Aurelius, while my friends politely roll their eyes.  However, in this case, I’m going to shoot even higher – and quote Neil Young.  In one of his earliest songs Young proposed that, “we are only what we feel.”  That is, while people such as Sanford Zale and Mike Lange will tell you it’s all about the brain, in reality it’s all about the heart – and how we feel, which Sarah Cohen could have told you anyway.  So, being a professor, I gave Heidi and Andy some homework.  I asked them to, separately, answer three questions:

 1) how did you feel the first time you met the other person?

 2) how do you feel today?

 3) how do you feel about the future? 

They sent me their answers via email, and I’m going to read them to you – after correcting all of Andy’s spelling mistakes.

Andy – when he first met Heidi:

“I felt excited and anxious.  She was funny and pretty and I didn’t know exactly what to say.  I talked to her about libraries and told her she was good at foosball (she was OK).  We hung out at a conference and I got more excited talking and texting with her.  It was that excitement that you get when everything is really new but it’s also really good.  After that I went to Montpelier and we watched what was to be the first of many Vikings’ losses together.  And she didn’t ditch me after seeing my picture in the Free Press after eating 50 chicken wings, so that has to count for something too.”

Heidi – when she first met Andy:

“My first answer requires a smidge of background.  When I was still in Michigan, getting ready to move, I was trolling library blogs looking for new, smart people to pay attention to.  I ran into Andy’s blog, looked at the About page, and saw he was in Vermont.  I can still picture the moment and remember thinking – “Whoa, he’s cute.  Maybe I’ll meet him someday.”  So . . . the first time I saw Andy, I felt nervous, clearly.  And I also hoped he was at least a little bit awesome.  I can still relive a lot of the first night we hung out in my head . . . what he was wearing, how I felt when he stood by me . . . by the end of the night, I wished for the feeling to not only be me.”

Andy – how he feels now:

“I feel joyful and challenged.  Heidi is really thoughtful, supportive, and takes care of me in ways that I deeply appreciate and take joy in.  She holds a different mirror up to me and gives me a perspective that I wouldn’t normally see.  It’s also challenging learning to accept someone and understand someone for who they are and trying to figure out how to support them in ways they need, not ways I need.”

Heidi – how she feels now:

“Today when I look at Andy the only word that really describes the feel is: lucky.  It’s such a clichéd thing, but he makes my life so much better.  It is hard to fathom where or who I would be if it weren’t for Andy.  My world is bigger and I know myself better because of him.  He is supportive, thoughtful, kind, funny, and challenges me.  I cannot imagine a better life than one I get to spend with him.”

Andy – how he feels about the future:

“I feel confident about our future together.  Heidi can get stuff [shit] done and can execute a lot better than me.  She’s really good at planning, problem solving, remembering thing, and paying attention to details.  I think more “big picture” and am willing to try a lot of things.  I’m really curious and like adventures.  I feel we balance each other out really well and can teach each other a lot about ourselves.  I know there are going to be challenges and also really happy times, but ultimately I feel really lucky being on her team and having her on mine.”

Heidi – how she feels about the future:

“When I think about Andy and our future, it feels exciting.  We’ll never know for sure quite what’s next or where we’ll be living and doing in five years, but knowing I will still be cooking and walking and exploring with Andy . . . that’s all I want.  It is exciting to know you are getting the one thing you truly want . . . a life with the person you love most in the world.”

Scudder’s Rules for a happy relationship:

Heidi’s second directive was for me to say a few words about what it makes a successful marriage.  My initial thought was – really?  Me?  Truthfully, who knows less about a happy relationship than me?

But then I thought about baseball.  One of the great truisms of baseball is that great players make lousy managers because they do not understand how hard the game is.  Great managers tend to be career minor leaguers – second-string catchers who couldn’t hit a curveball – who spent lots of time on the bench studying the game.  And then I thought – with that in mind, really, who better to give advice on a happy relationship than me?

So, here are Scudder’s three rules for a happy marriage:

First off, look at each other.  This is who you are marrying.  Not some idealized version of that person, but that person.  You should never marry someone on potential – on what you think you can turn them into with a little hard work.  Heidi, you can shine him up a bit – and, Andy, you might theoretically make Heidi root for the Vikings – but you’re not going to change them that much.  And that’s OK.  You fell in love with that person.  Cherish them.

Secondly, and even considering rule one, you will both change – and your relationship will change.  I believe that marriages are made up of 10,000 small compromises, most made unofficially and organically and made just to get through the day, especially down the road when the kids arrive.  They are almost uniformly small, but they add up over the years.  Sometimes long-term relationships end when you suddenly look across the breakfast table and feel that you don’t know that other person hogging the Pop-Tarts.  And sometimes one of you, on a particularly dark day, might even think – this isn’t what I signed up for.  Well, in a sense, you didn’t.  Years earlier, a much younger version of you married a much younger version of your partner, and then the compromises started. Actually, they’re not all that bad, and part of it is the process of two people becoming one couple. Your relationship will change – and it should.  It should evolve, not just survive.  The key is to be part of the evolution.  Be actively involved in your relationship – work at it – be a part of every one of those 10,000 compromises.

Thirdly, I’ll come back to the words of the great Canadian philosopher Neil Young: we are only what we feel.  Remember how you feel today. Never forget that.  When you’re sitting on the couch arguing about the bills or wondering why it’s really necessary to watch a two-win Vikings team lose another game or why you’re watching another documentary on dinosaurs, remember how you make the other one feel, for good and for bad – and always remember this day, and how you feel.

And so ends my sermon.  Now let’s get these two married.

DECLARATION OF INTENT

You come here today to affirm your love for one another and formally acknowledge that which your hearts already know…that your lives are meant to be shared as one, that you are stronger together than you are apart, and that, for all the days yet to come, you wish to share together all life’s joys and challenges, committed one to the other.

Andy, do you promise Heidi that you will love her for today and for all of your tomorrows? And that from this day forward, you will faithfully walk beside her?

[I do]

Heidi, do you promise Andy that you will love him for today and for all of your tomorrows? And that from this day forward, you will faithfully walk beside him?

[I do]

INTRO TO WEDDING VOWS

Heidi and Andy, you are about to exchange your marriage vows. These vows are an expression of the promises you have chosen to make to each other. Marriage is the uniting of two people and a journey towards the unity of two hearts. The vows you share will thrive on the love that you have for each other and your marriage will grow deeper as each of you grows older. As you journey through life together, may you continue to trust each other, laugh together and speak often to one another. And may your lives together be filled with joy, whether in times of peace or chaos, trouble or good fortune.

Heidi, please hand your bouquet to your maid of honor, face each other and join hands.

WEDDING VOWS

Andy, please repeat these vows to Heidi:

Heidi, I join my life to yours,

to be your partner in marriage and in life,

to love and to honor you,

to be honest and faithful to you,

to stand by you and care for you,

all the days of my life.

Heidi, please repeat these vows to Andy:

Andy, I join my life to yours,

to be your partner in marriage and in life,

to love and to honor you,

to be honest and faithful to you,

to stand by you and care for you,

all the days of my life.

Heidi and Andy, as you walk through life together, remember that you are unique and different from one another. Give your love openly and honestly. Do not try to change each other, for your differences are what brought you together. Always accept and respect what the other has to say -- and even if you do not agree, take time to understand the other’s feelings and opinions. And remember that each day is a new beginning. Be willing to follow and never be afraid to lead. Maintain your capacity for wonder, spontaneity, humor, and sensitivity. Trust your partner

and trust yourself – for a marriage is a journey that leads to greater love.

EXCHANGE OF RINGS

May I have the rings, Peter?

These wedding rings symbolize the unbroken circle of love, signifying to all your union in marriage As often as either of you look upon these rings you are about to exchange, may you be reminded of this moment and the love and commitment you have promised to one another.

Andy, please place the ring on Heidi’s finger and say to her these words:

Heidi, with this ring I take you as my wife and pledge my love and life to you.

Heidi, please place the ring on Andy’s finger and say to her these words:

Andy, with this ring I take you as my husband and pledge my love and life to you.

BEST WISHES

Andy and Heidi, before I declare you husband and wife, I want to wish you both much love and happiness as you begin this new journey. I give you my best wishes with the following words.

The two of you are now joined in one unbroken circle. Wherever you go, may you always return to one another in your togetherness. May you two find in each other the love for which all souls long.

To make your marriage work will take love.  Love should be the core of your marriage; love is the reason you are here.

But it also will take trust - to know in your hearts that you want the best for each other.

It will take dedication to live by the vows you have made. To stay open to one another, to learn and to grow together even when this is not always easy to do.

It will take faith to keep your promises. To always be willing to go forward to tomorrow, never really knowing what tomorrow will bring.

And it will take commitment - to hold true to the journey you have both pledged to share together.

DECLARATION OF MARRIAGE

Andy and Heidi, today you have promised your love to each other and sealed your promises with the giving and receiving of rings. It is my joy and pleasure to declare that you are now husband and wife.

Heidi, you may kiss the groom.

INTRODUCTION OF COUPLE

Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my honor and privilege to introduce to you for the first time

Mr. and Mrs. Andy and Heidi Burkhardt.

Returning to Jordan

After years of threatening to do so I'm actually going to lead a student travel course trip this spring.  I've had students and colleagues, both here and on the other side of the planet, repeatedly encourage/dragoon/beg me to take advantage of my experiences and connections to lead a student group overseas.  For any number of reasons I've always begged off, but this year I've changed my mind.  My dear friend and stand-in little sister Cyndi Brandenburg are taking nine students to Jordan over spring break in March.  Initially I was considering a study abroad trip to India, but my excellent friend and student Mahmoud Jabari dashed the idea.  Mahmoud and I meet for coffee every month and solve the problems of the Middle East.  When I proposed the India trip he essentially said - and I'm not paraphrasing much - "no, you're going to Jordan, because you do love Jordan and the students will love Jordan." (spoken like a true Palestinian, I might add)  Who am I to disagree?  I'm embedding the trip in a couple sections of my Heroines & Heroes course, and I always have the students read a short retelling of the Ramayana, so the India trip made perfect sense.  Instead, Mahmoud proposed that I should build it around Lawrence of Arabia, both the reality and the legend.  It is a great idea, and so I took his suggestion.  I haven't turned my back on an India trip, although Jordan is certainly much easier to throw together in a hurry as compared to an Indian excursion, which would take much more planning.  So, get prepared - Jordan will be dominating the blog again very soon.

As these trips tends to be, it has been more than a bit of a logistical nightmare to put together (although it will pale in comparison to planning a trip to India).  Still, I am getting very excited.  There is so much to be revealed in Jordan.  As my friends quite correctly point out - I like to introduce my students to parts of the world that their parents aren't going to take them to on family vacations.  And, truthfully, can you think of a time when American students need to acquire a more sophisticated understanding of the Middle East?

A Friend of Mime

I suppose that if you've been teaching at a small college for some time - and you possess something akin to a personality - you'll eventually be asked to appear in either a play or a student film.  Oddly, since I don't possess even the shadow of an interesting personality, I've been asked to appear in both.  I have always - and will always - duck appearing in a play.  I do not like public speaking and the thought of it just fills me with dread.  However, I was finally dragooned by two of my students, Ben (the writer and director) and Davi (the producer) to appear in a student film called A Friend of Mime.  I agreed to be in the film because of either a) their willful and skillful misrepresentation of the role, or b) my senior moments, which are expanding more rapidly than the universe: I would bet on the latter.  My understanding was that they were looking for me to pop in for a walk-on, and thus around a two hour time commitment on my part, and their understanding was that I was the "star" of the film.  Of course, if I had actually read the script before I showed up for filming I might have had a better idea of what I was in for.  Not since Brando in Apocalypse Now has the lead actor been more negligent in prepping for the role.  In the end it turned out to be around three full days, but, truthfully, it was a lot of fun.  As everyone knows I'm a complete film nut, and so it was really interesting to see how a film is made.  For the actors - in my case, the "actor" - it consists of a lot of sitting around and watching the director and cameraman discuss lighting.  I didn't have a trailer to retreat to, although Davi was very responsive to my diva demands for donuts.  Certainly, I am not actor, but the students were incredibly patient with me, especially with my tendency to improvise lines - and in this case I think I improvised every line (which had less to do with the tenets of my particular acting school, but rather my inability to remember the lines as written).  Sadly, and happily, the film has disappeared (so if you're looking for a link you'll be bitterly - but fortunately - disappointed) either because of a technical problem with someone's laptop or classic Hollywood creative differences.  So, I have no fear of it popping up on the Internet down the road.

My colleague Karen Klove preparing to apply the makeup.  She showed the students how to do it and they carried out the arduous routine repeatedly after that.

Heavy makeup and a beard is a really bad combination (and my contract did not require me to shave it - thankfully my agent deleted that codicil), and I essentially bathed in bottles of baby oil to remove it.

Not since John Wayne Gacy has s seemingly benignant character inspired such nightmares.

Although I was the "star" I pitched in, which was one of the most enjoyable parts of the process.  Of course, it probably would have been better for the film if I had used the down time to actually learn my lines.

Yes, and the only thing more embarrassing for a camera-shy non-actor is to film in the middle of Hauke Courtyard in the middle of the day.

Doubtless, this has proven to be the most iconic scene.  After a series of bad breaks the Mime has snapped and attacked his landlord, played by my friend and colleague Ken Wade (who actually is a very good actor, and very graciously helped me out).  There is no truth to the rumor that I intentionally messed up my lines so that I could attack him repeatedly. 

A Good Soul - and a Bad Coach

One of life's greatest truisms is that you should never, ever, finish last in your fantasy football league.  My excellent friend Bob Mayer, coach of the Royal Poodles, has had the misfortune to finish last in the Twin Peaks Football League two years running.  His penalty, through the conniving of Craig Pepin, was to wear one of the world's worst sweaters as he presented at Faculty Senate.  Fantasy football is a cruel mistress.  Still, if you win the Wixon Trophy, named after our great friend Bill Wixon, mainly because he's out of the country and thus can't defend himself, there is a price to be paid.

It is a testament to what a good soul that Bob is that he didn't squawk about this horrible penalty and went bravely to his fate.  It was "a far, far better thing . . ."

Castle of Sao Jorge

I'm not quite certain why Portugal has been running through my mind so much lately, beyond the fact that it was a remarkably cool, albeit way too brief, trip.  I suspect it is because I was so happy, although my life was, per usual, in a state of chaotic flux - reflecting back on the previous post, I was the master of neither (nor any) world.  One of the highlights of the stopover in Lisbon was visiting the Castle of Sao Jorge, an old Moorish castle, which resides on the hill overlooking the harbor, so the views, not surprisingly, are extraordinary.  It was also a magnificently rainy and windswept day, and how I avoided being blown off the castle walls is beyond me.  After months of searing dry heat in Abu Dhabi I think I was drinking up the rain both figuratively and literally. 

The castle has been built and rebuilt countless times, and apparently the first fortifications on the hill date back a couple thousand years - not surprising considering the strategic value of the post at Lisbon.

And you can imagine what this looked and felt like after months of blinding, dry artificiality in Abu Dhabi.

Occasional glimpses of the brilliantly painted buildings of Lisbon.  If you look hard enough you can see what you're looking for.

One of my favorite shots; the glorious green surviving amongst the battlements.

I kept expecting to run into Tyrion Lannister - now that would have been a conversation.

One of my many failings as a photographer - my fascination with doorways.  However, it may be one of my strengths as a person.

And the harbor in the distance.

Macbeth and Sock Puppets

For years now whenever I've discussed the nature of an upcoming student presentations I've joked that I would give the students immense latitude in their approach, including the use of sock puppets.  It never really occurred to me that any of them would take me up on the offer - that is until last year.  In our Heroines & Heroes class here at Champlain the students have to write an analysis of their favorite heroine/hero using various critical lenses such as Campbell's monomyth or Marxist criticism or Feminist criticism.  Inevitably it's a much more challenging assignment than the students realize at first blush, when they initially assume it's a great chance to tell me how much they think Darryl from The Walking Dead is kick-ass (and, to be fair, he is).  My student Vincent Loignon, who has bravely taken me a couple times, stopped by after class and asked if he could choose Macbeth as his hero.  Obviously, he immediately scored major points for choosing a complex character from Shakespeare, as compared to the endless run of video game characters I get.  He then settled into the pantheon of my favorite students by asking if I was serious when I proposed a sock puppet presentation.  With the due sense of dread I said yes.  True to his word he presented his Macbeth presentation in sock puppet format, and it was fantastic, only partially because of his mastery of the too-often overlooked field of sock puppet literary analysis.  At Champlain we pride ourselves on pushing our students to implement critical and creative thinking, at it's difficult for me to think of many better examples.

Vincent and Macbeth.  Notice the little crown.

Vincent was ably assisted by the excellent Nicole Follini who graciously volunteered to assist with running the Powerpoint, because she's a good soul - and because Vincent had socks on his hands.

Vincent dramatically reading from Shakespeare.

Now, having said all this, the reason why Vincent received an A on the assignment was not because of the unique approach, but because of his sophisticated analysis of the material.  Here he is stopping to explain why this particular scene represented Campbell's monomyth, specifically the Master of Two Worlds.

Thinking of Yemen

It's amazing how a remarkably short little visit can stick with you.  As I've chronicled earlier I was only in Yemen for a weekend, and even then I didn't really get out of the old part of Sana'a.  Nevertheless, it has stuck with me in a way that few other places have.  I've read several books on Yemen and obsessively follow their unfolding history/tragedy on the news and especially on Twitter.  And through Twitter I've actually been in contact with several folks, both inside and outside of the country, who have kindly answered my questions.  I set up a blog last year where I wanted to post actual Yemeni stories but in the end I was not able to track down any material from inside the country; truthfully, I think Yemen has more problems to deal with that answering requests from anonymous Americans.  That said, I don't normally ever give up on anything so maybe I'll pursue it again.  Lord knows the world needs a different view from the country other than the constant drum beat of war.  In my Ibn Battuta class this semester I'm using three books by Tim Mackintosh-Smith who actually lives in Sana'a.  I'm a big fan of his work and if I had been more familiar with him on my trip there I probably would have tried to track him down.  Oh well, on the next trip . . .

One of the many people who befriended me in the streets of the old city, and who could not have been nicer to me when they didn't really have much reason to be.

Calling Lahore

I am making a more concerted effort to stay active on blogging - while also devoting too much time to Twitter, and even Facebook has snuck back into the rotation (although that's mainly related to the fact that I just celebrated another birthday and thus received many kind notes from friends around the world (which is pretty amazing/cool since I don't publish my birthday on FB).  Initially I typed in "endured" instead of celebrated, mainly because it was a birthday I wasn't looking forward to, which I'll discuss on a later post, but it turned out to be a wonderful day - and I've survived another year.

Today I want to take a very quick break from syllabus construction to talk about an odd event that happened in class in the fall semester.  I was teaching a class called Crossroads, which is a junior level course I designed.  Of all the classes I've taught over the last thirty years it may be the oddest, which is really saying something.  The idea behind the class was to look at the convergence of societies that came together in Central Asia, so, naturally, there was a big Silk Road component, which is a topic that fascinates me (and, which, I've traveled on).  A big part of the class was the in-class analysis of various artifacts from the area.  I would project a picture of a sculpture or a mosque or a painting or a mummy on the board and the students would have to, within the 75 minutes of the class, write up a two page bulleted paper.  The British always refer to these as "white papers," although I guess for our business-focused students the best comparison was to an executive summary.  I gave the students no information at all.  Now, they were not completely adrift because a) we had devoted a few weeks to discussing the foundations of the cultures that met in Central Asia, b) they could work in groups, c) they could bring in technology, and d) they could, ask a class, ask me as many as three questions (which I sort of vaguely answered).

Strangely, they were enjoyed the process, and I suddenly found myself with a group of budding archaeologists and historians.  One day one of the students said, "OK, explain to me why there is Zoroastrian iconography on that Hindu statue."  My response was, "First off, shut up, this isn't Middlebury, and, secondly, I assure you that that is the first time that sentence has ever been uttered at Champlain College" - although, obviously, I was delighted.  In short, they really enjoyed the challenge.  It also had some real world application, however, since it was one of those transferable skills - bosses do ask you to become "experts" on a subject with an hour's notice and want you to produce the executive summary that they can read as they walk down the hall to talk to potential clients or the board of trustees.

One day we were looking at the famous ascetic Buddha and the groups were happily working away.  I was in the back of the room helping one of the groups when I noticed that my student Zachary Svobada was on the phone.  The other members of the group had an amused look on their faces.  I started to give Zachary some well-deserved abuse for being on the phone in class (one of my huge rules that result in torture and death) when he gave me the "hold on, I'm on the phone" hand signal, and before I could say anything one of his group members said, "he's on the phone to Pakistan."  Yes, he was trying to call a museum in Lahore, Pakistan.  As part of their research they had figured out that the Buddha itself was in a museum in Lahore and Zachary figured out that the best approach to just call them and try get some resident expert on the line.  Sadly, the time difference meant that even though he actually got the museum on the phone it was closed for the day - which saved him from the potential language problem.  Still, I had to give him major credit for the effort.  Clearly, we're not Camp Champ anymore.

This is a Buddha from the ancient area of Gandhara, which would be in the area made up of a chunk of Pakistan and Afghanistan.  It was a remarkably rich period culturally.  The first artistic representation of the Buddha with a physical body, as compared to symbols, is believed to have been in this region - a merging of Indian and Greek concepts.  This is the ascetic Buddha, coming in from his years in the wilderness and right before the moment of Enlightenment.  It was a perfect artifact to use since it expresses the coming together of these different societies.

Zachary on the phone to Lahore.  Late in the semester he did, successfully, manage to call a museum in the UK and learned all sorts of inside information about Parthian kings and their coins.  I told him that I didn't want to be dismissive of his major here at Champlain, but that I wouldn't rest until he pursued a doctorate in history.  This is definitely one of my favorite moments in a long career.